Funny Old Sayings Like Does a Bear Shit in the Woods
Go Your Laugh on with these funny redneck sayings:
He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every co-operative on the manner down.
I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room total of rocking chairs
She was so ugly she could play a joke on or treat over the telephone
Darlin.You're hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention.
Sweatin' like a whore in church building…
I'grand as dislocated as a blind lesbian in fish market place…..
That'due south handier than a pocket on a shirt.
Well dip my balls in sweet foam and squat me in a kitchen total of kittens.
Well she's finer than a frog hair split viii ways!
Busier and then a i legged man in an ass kickin competition!!!
Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!
If a frog had wings he wouldn't bump his butt when he hops.
Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a assistant tree.
That boy is well-nigh every bit precipitous as a cue ball.
Can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Wal-Mart.
That made my nuts depict up so tight you couldn't attain them with knittin' needles.
It's hotter than the hinges of hell.
He'south ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.
Ain't no point in beatin' a dead equus caballus…'course, tin can't hurt none either.
Were closer than two roaches on a salary bit.
Does a one legged duck swim in a circle?
Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire.
Heavier than a expressionless preacher.
That's so hard to practise information technology'd be like trying to put butter up a mutiny'due south ass with a hot poker!
That boy is as queer every bit a 3 dollar bill.
Does a comport shit in the forest?
Slick as snot on a goat's glass middle.
She has more than chins than a Chinese phone book.
This old truck wouldn't pull a slick prick out of a lard bucket.
She's so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot
That's harder than a choir boy in a porn shop
Your mother's and then stupid, she thinks cheerios are donut seeds!
I'chiliad so mad I could spit!
He's so stupid, he couldn't notice his ass with both easily.
Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord dissever ya.
I'm happier than a punk in a pickle patch.
That'll go over like a pregnant pole-vaulter.
I'd rather bound barefoot off a half-dozen-foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket full of porcupines than…
I'm so hungry, I'd eat the balls off a low flight duck!
Madder than a one legged woman at the ihop.
I'm having more than fun than a tornado in a trailer park.
Boy you got about as much sense every bit god gave a goose
She's wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist government minister'south wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast.
Tighter than a skeeter's donkey in a olfactory organ dive.
Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.
She'due south purtier than a mess of fried catfish.
Hornier than a two peckered baton caprine animal.
He was drunker than Cooter Dark-brown on the quaternary of july.
Granny cooked enough supper to feed Pharoah's Army.
He couldn't hitting the footing if he barbarous twice!
Busier than a one armed monkey with 2 peckers.
Madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat.
Her ass was then big, information technology looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking identify.
Busier than a cat covering upwards shit on a physical floor.
It's colder than a mother in law's love.
That's slicker than greased goose shit.
I'm so poor if I stepped on a worn out dime I'd bet you lot a nickle I could tell y'all whether it'due south heads or tails.
Information technology's Hotter northward' hell's basement on the twenty-four hours of reckonin'.
Yous couldn't hit the broad side of a befouled with a handfull of rice!
That'due south slicker than snot on a doorknob
Information technology's drier than a popcorn fart.
She was battin' her eyes like a toad in a hailstorm.
His pants were so tight if he'd a farted it'd blow his boots off.
Well, I'd smack the fire out of 'em if they acted that way effectually me.
Why, it'southward and then common cold hither…we got dogs stuck to burn hydrants all over town.
That'southward worthless equally chicken crap on the pump handle.
It's hotter than a billygoat with a blowtorch.
He's as nellie equally pinkish ink.
I'm hangin' in there like loose teeth.
That smells like the shithouse door of a shrimp boat.
Information technology'south cold enough to freeze the balls off a pool tabular array.
That girls jeans are tight plenty to see Lincoln smiling on the penny in her pocket.
Let's make similar a turd and hit the trail.
If you lot don't utilize your head, you might as well have two asses.
Duct tape is similar "The Forcefulness." It has a light side, a nighttime side, and it holds the universe together.
I'one thousand so hungry, every fourth dimension I swallow my asshole says thank you.
That'southward nearly equally useful equally a trap door on a canoe.
If brains were leather, he wouldn't have enough to saddle a June bug.
The engine'southward runnin' but nobody's driving.
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow his nose.
That boy's two bricks shy of a full load.
I think that boy'due south most two sandwiches shy of a picnic.
I think he's one fry short of a Happy Repast.
Information technology's hotter than two hamsters fucking in a wool sock in the summer time.
Well I'll be dipped in shit and rolled in bread crumbs.
Yall come dorsum at present ya hear
If i had swing like that i would ride it every night.
Im fittin to shut out the lights
Gonna bear grandma to the store
That would gag a maggot on a gut wagon.
That fellers so dumb, he don't know sheep shit from cotton wool seed!
He'south about as handy every bit a back pocket on a shirt.
He was every bit mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!
Yous could start an argument in an empty business firm.
That'due south lower so quail shit in a wagon rut!
Equally poor as field mice.
Her ass looks similar a couple of squirrels fightin' over an acorn in a gunny sack.
That boy was shaking similar a dog shittin' hammer handles.
That truck couldn't pull a spoon out of a cats ASS!
Why don't you accept a flight fuck at a rolling doughnut!
He couldn't deport a tune in a bucket.
If duct tape don't set up'r then you're not using enough duct tape.
Similar trying to nail Clot-O to a tree.
If stupid could fly, you'd be a jet.
Slightly burned out, but still smokin'.
I'thou mad enough to drown puppies.
She's so impuissant she could trip over a cordless phone!
He's most equally useful as a pogo stick in quicksand.
Well that but dills my pickle.
Yous look about as happy as a tick on a fatty canis familiaris.
Five gallons of shit in a 2 gallon bucket.
Hard liquor and a hammer oughta fix that
You Might Be a Redneck If…
Redneck sayings are fun, only no list of funny redneck sayings would be complete without the ever famous you might be a redneck if sayings. And then here they are bask.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You take spent more on your pickup truck than on your pedagogy.
Taking a dip has zilch to practise with water.
Your java tabular array used to be a cablevision spool.
you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
You continue a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your wife tin can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your female parent has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
The primary color of your auto is bondo.
Directions to your house include "Plough off the paved road."
Your dog and your wallet are both on a concatenation.
Yous have a picture show of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You've been married three times and withal have the same in-laws.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
You lot think Taco Bong is the Mexican phone book
you see no need to end at a balance stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug.
You have flowers planted in a bath apparatus in your front thou.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You come dwelling house from the garbage dump with more than you went with.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting domestic dog.
You accept a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
You lot have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas carte.
Your considered an good on worm beds.
The hood and i door are a dissimilar colour from the rest of your car.
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
You call back "loading the dishwasher" ways getting your wife boozer.
You ever cut your grass and constitute a car.
You ain a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You adopt car keys to Q-tips.
Yous retrieve the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the bulldoze-way in 15 years.
Yous own a bootleg fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of tiptop v hygiene concerns.
Yous burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your wife has e'er said, "Come movement this transmission and so I can take a bath."
You read the Motorcar Trader with a highlight pen.
Your toilet paper has folio numbers on it.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a infant equally a result of an conflicting abduction.
More 1 living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You recollect possum is "The Other White Meat".
You have a rag for a gas cap.
You call back the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, commencement your engines."
You call back a quarter horse is a ride in forepart of the Wal Mart.
You've ever hitting a deer with your motorcar…deliberately.
Your school fight vocal was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
Y'all've ever given rat traps as gifts.
Y'all clean your fingernails with a stick.
You have to get outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
Redneck Sayings shared with us by our Guests
If yous accept a favorite redneck maxim, redneck quote or funny redneck slang you would like to share please do and then with our add a quote form in the right column. Hither are a few redneck sayings shared with us by our guests.
y'all're my favorite turd, I wouldn't shit ya. ~Submitted by unknown
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. ~ Submitted past Jan (st.louis MO)
Busier than a 1-armed paper hanger. ~ Submitted by Dave (AK)
you might be a redneck if your thought of base in music is what you set your beer on. ~Submitted past Jackson (Louisianna)
The ice is slicker than Vaseline on a porn star. ~Submitted by Dylan Barney (Brushton, NY)
he wuz so skeerd he shit spagetti for a week. ~Submitted past unknown
Country Contradictions, Hillbilly Sense of humor, Silly Sayings and lots of other stuff I have said, will say or accept heard someone else say.
If you have ever said something and someone has said "Never heard that one, simply I will retrieve it now", please inform us all, a true smart ass can never have to many comments, rebukes, or conversation starters in their arsenal. If y'all were the one to say "I'll accept to call back that one to use information technology some twenty-four hours" and so forgot, well here is where you can find it. No guarantees, but maybe, its but about likely, that y'all will well-nigh certainly probably. ~Submitted past Angela (Irvine, Ky )
You might be a redneck if your weekly mass is the prayer earlier the national anthem at the PBR events. ~submitted by Evan Sordillo (America)
he is so stupid he couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions written on the heel. ~Submitted by Alex (jonesboro)
If you tin can't duck it f**k it, if you tin't f**k it duck it. ~Submitted by Nick
It got so quite you could hear a mouse pee on cotton fiber. ~Submitted past keith (leighton,al, USA)
Redneck Sayings pages created by our Guests
If yous accept a collection of funny redneck sayings you would like to share you tin can create your own page offunny redneck sayings or quotes by visiting our sayings and phrases page. Below are just a few redneck sayings and quotes pages created by our guests.
Southern Vox: a few funny redneck sayings and a photo of my pet dear.
Redneck Stomp Jokes: you might be a redneck if your lady tin practice it faster than you and more…
Redneck Laughter: very funny yous might exist a redneck one liners.
Thank y'all for visiting this collection of funny redneck sayings and redneck quotes. I promise you lot enjoyed them. If you have any favorite redneck sayings or you might be a redneck sayings you would like to share with us, I would love to meet them. But use the grade below to share your favorite redneck sayings.
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